comics and celebrity crushes

saturday, march 30, 2024

we're almost done with Q1 of this year. crazy...! it's been a while since i wrote a diary entry into this thing so i thought i'd do one before the month ended.

just make the new pages!

i've been working on some pages that have been on my to-do list since i started the site!!! i speak about this all the time but it's so intimidating to try and tackle some of them, especially the shrines. i like my pages to be really organized, and when something is as abstract and intense as an obsession, i have no idea how to present all my worms, you know?

i'm still kind of feeling out how to work on the more complicated pages – i notice the ones i have trouble with have to do with any transformative/derivative work i make (the section of my ACNH shrine for lore, the section of my pokemon shrine for my inserts, the donnie selfship page for mume lmfaooo).

but i also really like going through other sites and seeing how they've organized their shrines, and how not everything has to be grouped in such a rigid way. some shrines i've seen are more stream of consciousness with some topic headers slapped onto them, and that's really lovely actually – it feels like a friend is just talking to you and introducing their fave thing to you. that's what i tried going for with the pokemon faves page, and it was fun to build! so i think i'll keep trying that.

it's man crush march again

around this time last year i got really into the actor mike faist (who has a movie with zendaya coming out this april!!!! i will be sat) after seeing him in west side story. the obsession came and went, as most of my celebrity crushes post-kpop do. (i think since the pandemic i've been mostly into 2d... i want to analyze that at some point)

however! this march i have once again fallen into a celebrity crush pit... i started watching community and was taken aback by how hard i fell for abed + his actor, danny pudi.

i mean look at his nose!!

really so insane about him. i think i've calmed down a bit recently but at my worst i was pausing every few shots just to scream in agony at how pretty he is and beg out loud to the universe for one chance. this is a level of celebrity crush i have not experienced in a long time – not with mike faist, and not since i fell out of kpop, and even then i was insane in a different way!

i think i'll make a shrine, as embarrassed as i feel about the idea of making a page dedicated to a normal human man with a family. i'm so sorry danny.

here are some things i have watched or am planning to watch that have him in it:

making comics is fun actually

my danny pudi infatuation has taken up a lot of my time these past two weeks, but i've also been working on a comic! it's 18 pages and about an asexual girl wishing her blorbo into existence. (a likely story.)

all my previous comics were self-directed and had no real page limit, so this was the first time i had to work within a set number. i've known i was part of this project since last year but it took me until recently to start thumbing and sketching because i was freaked out about my story being too long LOL.

for context: i usually write the script with an idea in my head of how to panel, then do all the thumbnailing. but sometimes in the process i realize a scene needs more space than necessary, or the text needs to be split up, etc. it extends the story beyond my initial page count – which is again, usually fine, because i'm not working within a limit.

but this time it's NOT FINE!!!!! and so that means going back and cutting some scenes, which means revising all my thumbnails starting with the cut scenes, which just feels intimidating – you anticipate lots of brain power usage and hand strain.

it's just one of those things you have to muscle through, though – and maybe it will feel easier over time and as i make more comics. i'm happy to say i made it past the worst of it... i cut out a character completely, condensed some scenes, and have a neat 18 pages i think tell the story in the best way i can given my amateur skillset. :) and it's been a lot of fun to work on, after getting past that sticky point!!

i do all my thumbnailing on paper (it just feels better personally) but i'm supposed to submit my thumbs to the organizer, so i've essentially been sketching the comic already. at least i can go straight to inking on top of these... i'm at 14/18 so far, and plan to finish this weekend. here are some pages!

this is your twenties

i've been on a break from my coursework for a bit, and am starting again in mid-may – i'm honestly not really looking forward to it because the last module before the break was so exhausting. the instructor for that module was stricter than i thought necessary and so a couple of assignments were much more tedious than they should have been. it's made me question if i want to go into this line of work at all LOL

but oh well. the next module is the last one, and involves shadowing a professional, so i'm hoping that being elsewhere (and doing the actual job i'm studying for) will help give me a boost for the last leg of this godforsaken program. i jsut want to be done with it so i can get a job in the field i like already.

in the meantime, i'm spending a lot of time with my family (we're spending the weekend out of town, and it's been very healing) and worm, and occasionally seeing my friends when they have time in their full-time employee lives to spare.

between school, this comic, and all of that, i can say my days are full, but not in a way that feels as productive or satisfying as i'd like. i think when i am sufficiently busy (positive) i don't have time to spiral into anxiety or be navelgazey, and i've had plenty of time for that unfortunately. i have more good days than bad (cannot express how fun this actor crush deepdive has been for me), but still quite a few bad days, so it means i must do something about it – and i will!!!