about the webmaster

...at least if we're talking about places and communities. i feel very at home with my loved ones, but less so with the larger communities around me and the physical places i've lived.

i think there's a mastery of environment and a familiarity with the way people around you behave that marks one's "nativeness" to a place or culture or people, and that's something i feel most strongly on the web rather than anywhere i grew up or with the cultures i inherited. i've been online for as long as i can remember, and it's always been a major part of how i lived. i speak the language of the terminally online and know how to find community anywhere. it's where i retreat to for a breather from real life.

i don't see myself leaving the www in the future, and will probably be a netizen old lady when the time comes lol.

i hate to be in stasis – something i inherited from my mom. it's fulfilling to me to always have something to plan / think about / get hyped over. it's caused me to burn out a couple of times, and now i have a strong screening process when i want to get involved in something new for my sanity's sake, but i don't think i'll ever shake the urge.

most of it is creative work, but i will even go hard on stuff that does not need that much effort, simply because i like spending time on fun tasks. some examples include: making custom graphics for this site, doing hours of research for a self-indulgent AU, and adding fancy transitions to my slides for a powerpoint party with friends.

even when i look like i am doing nothing, i am probably doing something, or at least scheming to do it.

i care a lot about the stuff i care about, and it's easy for me to decide whether i like or dislike something – food, activities, behavior, aesthetic choices, media, people, etc.

as a result, i am very particular about how i like things to go. this means i am not naturally flexible, but also means i'm not wishy-washy – save for situations where i pretend to be flexible and then later decide i don't want to be, lol. i'm usually decisive and will act on my opinions if doing so nets a positive outcome.

i am moderately vocal: i try to temper myself when doing things such as making group decisions or casual conversation with people, and of course am open to changing my mind about things, but i honestly quite like this part of me.

i keep archives like nobody's business. i've always kept journals or digital logs, trying to take snapshots of how i lived and what i thought about and who i loved at specific points in time. i also have a hard time throwing things out. i feel like i'm living a life i enjoy and i don't like the idea of forgetting any of it, even though that's inevitable.

my "top strength" according to cliftonstrengths is context, which means i love looking back lol. it's nice to see growth and change in the little things – i find i appreciate both the present and past more when i see them juxtaposed.

(this also means any stories that have to do with memory, time travel, past selves, diverging paths, etc. always get me... augh)

i was raised in a city and feel most at home amidst the hustle and bustle. i like that there's always something to do, and that things are convenient. the places i most like to travel to are also cities! i love wi-fi and strong phone signals and easy public transport and having shops nearby. i am a creature of comfort.

small towns are fine with me though; completely rural areas less so. but i know nature and slowness are good for the soul so i don't totally avoid them – i just stay away most of the time. i respect you from a distance, bugs and itchy grass and direct sunlight...!

i am generally pretty insular – i keep my inner circles small, and dislike when people get too close too fast. but i like interacting with people a lot, and get cabin fever when i'm alone for too long! although i struggle with social anxiety, it makes me happy to get to meet and chat with new people, even though it requires that i don the guise of someone friendlier, more approachable, and less awkward than i actually am.

i'm most energized by the minute interactions you get running errands or having one-off encounters, and that extends itself to stuff like emails and getting notes from passing strangers on my site. i especially like learning about people and hearing stories from their lives, or getting glimpses into their day or personality via extended small talk. people are so fun!

kind of a weird combo, maybe? but this is how i approach situations and how i like to be approached :) i like when people put some thought into what they say or do, and mean it when they say or do it, without ulterior motives.

i don't think much of things like networking or empty compliments or half-baked work for a moment of clout/attention. i like art that's clearly taken time and thought, anonymous kindnesses, and people who are unapologetically themselves even if it means not appealing to everyone.

although i am a creature of comfort, i will push myself outside my comfort zone for the plot. i'll do things i normally wouldn't do if i think it would make for a fun or interesting experience! i think part of the fun of life is growing or changing as a person in ways you don't even realize in the moment, so i try to give myself those opportunities :)

conversely, i can't do anything if i don't think it's fun, and i make it everyone's problem. over the years i've developed an ability to find the fun in even boring shit but it doesn't always work, and in those cases all i can do is get out of there lol.

fun for me can mean anything from "some crazy shit a friend wants to do that is very OOC for me" to "i will make a very nice indulgent spreadsheet categorizing my blorbos by age, media type, etc." they're usually things i can preserve, as memories or keepsakes of a certain time, which goes back to the looking back thing.

i'll add to this whenever i think of stuff.

• i like meeting people from different cultural backgrounds! i have a complex relationship with my own background, so learning about all the little nuances of others' relationships with theirs is fun.
• if you couldn't tell – i am a chronic oversharer.